" Not all parties are the same. You'll have parties with your friends--people who share the same interests as you. You don't have to drink--there were plenty of times where the only drink in my hand was a milkshake--no kidding! And I had plenty of fun.
Be smart. Be safe. Those are not exclusive of having fun. "

" I find most people are respectful if you tell them you don't want to drink or do drugs. A few people might ask you why or why not, but I think most just let you be.

I think it can be just as fun to go to a party even if you aren't going to drink or use drugs. You see people in a whole new light. I can understand why you would want to avoid them altogether though. You can end up in a bad situation simply by being at the wrong place at the wrong time. "

" Peer pressure is strong, but you don't have to play along. Jack Londons " John Barleycorn" deals well with the dangers and pressure's of drinking. I feel it's nobel for kids to rebel against society as long as it's not self-destructive. And you do rebel. Gay marriage, sport hunting and abortion are just three that I have seen you speak up about. I may not agree with you, but I love your passion for the fight. Use that same passion for what YOU want to do. I know a student that does not drink or do drug's, goes to partys and is respected for his stand. Others have began to follow his example. I believe you are strong P.H. You can be a leader. If you stay strong you may just keep somebody at a party from doing something that will ruin their life.( driving drunk, O.D.ing or getting raped while drunk) Are party's worth it? Yes! It's a great way to meet new people outside of your " social security" zone. "

" I am proud of Phoebe for standing up for what she believes in. She rarely, if at all, gives in to peer pressure. Krusty, I wish you were right about people being respectful, but I haven't seen that. She has recently not been invited to parties because there was going to be a lot of drinking. Not so surprising, she IS invited when someone needs a ride. It's appalling to me that her so-called friends are so angry at her about her position on drugs and drinking. They swear at her and call her rude names and tell her, basically, that SHE is the one who is wrong - because everyone does it. What's funny is that far too many years ago when I was a teen, our group of friends knew who drank or smoked (marijuana - it WAS the 70's!) and who didn't but we were all accepting of everyone. No name calling, no putting others down, no trying to talk anyone into doing something they didn't want to do. I don't know if it's simply this group of kids or if it's the generation, but it's ugly. "

" MamaKing... Don't worry too much, college is not high school. College seniors are really adults that set maturity standard for the rest of them. As long as you don't "preach" to the party crowd you don't get ostracized. If P.H. has friends that get angry because of her stance, they are not friends. Misery loves company and does not like to be judged. A thief feels better about himself it he can get somebody else to steal, the same is true with drug users. When someone can show these people what real fun can be had with a clear head, they will follow. I hope P.H. can lead. "

" Chico is a party town when school is in. It's peaceful and rural during the summer.
but during the school year downtown is crazy during the weekend evenings. Stay away from the area. A train goes through Chico on a regular schedule. There are a number of deaths each year when students get too drunk or high and fool around the tracks.
Keep yourself safe, Phoebe.
Underage drinking is the norm there but I know you have the courage of your convictions and your eye on the future.
People who give you a bad time with peer pressure to drink or take drugs are not your friends. You know all this already.

Have a great semester. The campus is beautiful. The weather will soon become more pleasant. Don't you just love all the trees? "

" I seem to be attracting other people who don't party without even trying. :)

My roommate tells me that downtown Chico is more crowded late at night and in the wee hours of the morning (2-3 AM) than it is at any point during the day - even on weekdays. of course, I wouldn't know from experience, but I know a few people who do.

I wish it were as simple as "being a leader," but people don't want to hear the truth. Preaching is one thing; telling people what's up is another. I wouldn't go into a party and announce the moral and medical consequences of anyone's actions, but I'm not going to be quiet about it either. Problem is, people are going to party one way or the other, consequences or no.

What I hate is the lack of justification. The decision not to drink is backed up by just about all empirical evidence about alcohol and especially its effects on teenagers. What do they have? "We do it because it's fun."

OU, I understand some of what you're saying, but I don't want to go to a party, and not just because I don't drink. I don't like being around drunk people; strong connections are not made under the influence of alcohol. How do I know if they'll even remember me in the morning? It's not fun being the babysitter for drunk people, and I speak, unfortunately, from experience.

Alucawanza - Chico is beautiful! I hate being away from home, but my classes are AMAZING. The hot weather is killer, though. I need more shorts! "

" I'd also like to say that (in light of a more recent conversation) a common thread seems to be that I am immature or "a baby" for not drinking.

To me, the immaturity comes in the form of sneaking alcohol behind the backs of parents, teachers, and the law. It comes from being unable to drinking responsibly, maturely, and without getting drunk, and being so uncreative as to need booze in order to feel as though one is having a "real" good time. It also comes from not having the willpower to wait until it is legal to drink.

Just for the record. :) "

" MamaKing is apparently a good Mama Bear. I wish more moms raised their kids to be so wise. When kids graduate from high school it is not the time for parents to think the kids are "done." They need to know where their kids are and to constantly have the hard conversations with them. Kids die from dumb things when they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Parents please be smart. "

" pharper-
I recommend that you show your partying friends some pics from e-mails of people that got drunk and passed out in weird places. Or those people who pass out at the party and wake up covered in SHarpie and/or in bed with someone they have never met. My parents say the movie "The Hangover", and said it was hilarious, but shows exactly what happens if you get drunk. All I can say is (from what they told me) poor, poor VIntage Mercedes. "

" The Hangover was a funny movie, and that's the problem - it looks funny. So do those pictures. It looks amusing to them, and that's one of the reasons they continue to do it - the worst that can happen, or so they think, is to wake up in a weird position or fall asleep with a funny face. I do appreciate the suggestion; it just turns out that things like that which I would never want to happen to me are just funny anecdotes to them. "

" I'd say, "Party hard!"...A GOOD party doesn't necessarily have to have 'sex and drugs" just good 'ol rock&roll (or whatever your taste of music might be) and GREAT company.

Stay young, stay safe!

Be the "party organizer" and ONLY people who follow your standards will come...that's all you need (weed them out!). Set 'new -or different- party standards".
But whatever you do, really have fun! "

" pharper.. My oldest pledged a frat. his 1st year, it's called BYX. All frat. partys were rootbeer and pretzels. He said that's where the girls were on party night. My youngest is still in school and does not drink, but goes to partys. He said at first there was a lot of pressure but now that he is 21 there is none. But he said he was always respected afterwards for his stand. I hope it will be the same for you. Just remember, they may put you down to your face or behind your back. They respect you but won't admit it, but they will not respect you if you don't keep your convictions and fall. "

" O/U now, when was your son in college and what school did he go to? Unfortunately, parties like that don't happen here. The definition of "party" here implies alcohol and often drugs (pot is a very preeminent one). I can basically assure you that the parties you're talking about are less parties and more small gatherings of friends in a dorm. The frats here seem to be the main source of the big parties - a common refrain on Thursday nights is, "6th and Ivy!" (That's where the frat houses are.)

I'd be willing to go to one of the parties you're talking about, but unfortunately I don't think they happen very often.

Also, I think if people put me down behind my back, it's not very respectful. "

" pharper... All three boy's went or are going to Oklahoma U. BYX is the only frat I know of, nation wide, that will kick out a under age pledge for drinking. Where ever you go, any state or country, alcohol or drugs will be around young people. The most important thing to remember, is that every action has reaction in your life. One action can haunt you the rest of your life. People that talk about you will only talk more IF they can drag you down. "

" Stand up for yourself, and choose your friends carefully.
There is no requirement to be a "Party Animal" to succeed in life.

Do what you enjoy, and find your passion and follow it. You seem to have a level head on your shoulders, so I'm sure you will do fine.

Enjoy Chico, spring winter and fall are lovely there.. summer is just plain hot. :) "

" Depends on the people. when you know most of the folks, or most of the folks know you..it can be a grand to have fun. But, responsible at the same time.

I am proud to say that I managed the campus bar at CSULB, the Nugget. It was great. We had bands every Friday& Saturday night. During the early 80's most of the Punk bands that toured L.A. got book through our bar. saw some great bands, and watch people at their best and worst.

Life is after all whatever you make of it. It is a series of experiences. The more experiences you can have, the more interesting life becomes. "

" Phoebe--
Remember, too, that there are all sorts of parties you can attend--or not. There are frat parties, drama parties, dinner parties, pizza parties, etc. Then there is just "hanging out" with all the other kids who aren't much into drinking--and there are a LOT of those kids. I did a lot of partying in undergrad, but had as much fun when I didn't--when I trained for Bay to Breakers, when I went to visit friends from a different dorm, when I stayed in and baked cookies and watched movies with friends, or went to a coffee house and had Italian sodas and yakked about the boy I pined for with my best friend.
The point is, a college campus is a place FULL of diversity.
It can be a little bit lonely at first when it feels like everyone is slamming shots or hitting the beer bong and being crazy--everyone except you. But slowly you'll realize there are MANY people who don't want to drink or smoke, just like you. The thing is, they're not loud and visible about it. But eventually you'll get a group of you together and be friends for life and maybe feel a little bit sorry for the dumba--es passed out in the dorm bathroom or covered in vomit outside on the lawn.
I would refrain from being overly dour or defensive about your choice--there's no need or use for preaching. Unfortunately, you can't keep others from being defensive about their choices--sometimes their words hurt. But that's what your real friends are for--to laugh with you and be happy for you.
Go check out some of the campus clubs.

Oh...I miss college! "

" 1 worded answer!


YES!

Seriously, having met your dad? I have no doubt you'll conduct youself properly and he won't have nightmares of you appearing on *Girls gone wild*! "

" College parties are fine as long as you're responsible "

" Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! Toga! "

" So far I've been seeing movies with some of my theatre friends, which has been great...but there's really not too much for me to do otherwise that doesn't cost a lot of money or involve some kind of party. It's hard inviting people back to my dorm because I don't want to disturb my roommate, so I'm trying to figure out other ways to hang out. "

" pharper-
Hold movie marathons. We just had a bit of a Lethal Weapon marathon a few weeks ago... Normally we find an actor we like we order a whole bunch of their movies from Netflix and have movie marathons. The "classics" are always good, too. Like the "Die Hards" The " Harry Potters", and the "Fast and Furious/ Gone in 60 Seconds" collection (Yes, I know they are stealing cars and doing other illegal stuff, but it's awesome. And the cars are pretty). Popcorn is good and easy to make. "

" "It seems unfair to me that they can do illegal things simply because it is expected of them, without facing consequences, either physical or legal."

Believe me, phoebe, they face consequences. As one who partied a bit harder than I would recommend to anyone, I've seen the consequences for myself: missed opportunities -- to be real, to be fully involved in anything but "fun", to have a clear head, and to grow up; oblivion to normal social cues and effects of your behavior on others; and a developmental and learning gap that takes years to remediate. You're correct that it's the immature who tend to be heavy partiers -- they haven't yet discovered what it is they value in themselves or in their world that's worth expressing through their lives. Like children, they're egocentrically seeking immediate gratification. That isn't to say they're fully to blame, or that they should be called out necessarily for their lapses of good judgment. Administrators have tried to address the problem for decades, at least. For some, the behavior is borne of insecurity. For many, a lack of guidance in how to live one's values. And for others, a shot of ubiquitous, implacable teenage rebellion washed down with a massive sense of invulnerability.

It sounds like you take the high road; your reward will follow. "

" Hold to your principles, pharper! Some of your acquaintance will have to learn the hard way--bad hangovers, bad grades, or worse.

I learned to cook when I was in college; my friends and I put on great dinners. Live music was fun. I hiked a lot. There was a movie theatre in town with a different old movie every night; you could have old movie marathons. I mean OLD--Alfred Hitchcock, Humphrey Bogart and the like.

It's too bad everyone thinks "party" when they hear "Chico." It is actually quite famous for its architecture--Victorianand Craftsman style houses. "

" Phoebe:
My daughter went to UCSB. For the first three weeks she called and cried about her loneliness. She knew no one. She had no one to eat with or hang out with. Soon she began to talk to the other kids on her floor in the dorm. They began to go eat together. They all thought she was a "country" girl coming from Napa. We still laugh about that. She has made life-long friends as a result. They are a wonderful bunch of young women now. They are married and have children, are in contact with each other through e-mail, visits now and then, and are determined to stay in touch.

But...it took time to develop. She moved in with several friends during the second year. They shared a house, then an apartment. She worked at Trader Joes and met more people there. It just takes time.

Be confident that time will take care of your "recreation time". Have you visited Bidwell Park yet? It's beautiful. My daughter-in-law hikes the trails all around Chico with her dog. She went to Chico State and worked at Costco. All her friends were made at Costco and the education program she was in at Chico State.

Fall in Chico is beautiful. The weather will become more temperate, and you'll get out more comfortably.

There are many coffee places in Chico to visit if you enjoy those drinks. Take your roommate, go have a latte, and do your homework there. People will join you. Become a regular. One latte can last a long time! If you don't like caffeine, ask for decaf! "

" Rosie, I love my friends and have told them that they are free to do as they please without my intervention. I don't butt into what they do or tell them not to, I don't ever tell them that they are "stupid." I believe the decision is stupid, and would say so if asked, but I don't believe that they are.

However - not being forced to do something and having my opinion respected are two different things. If I am not invited places because I don't drink, whether there will be alcohol or not, that is NOT respecting my opinion - and I speak for all people, not just my friends.

I'm a person who likes facts and news; it's part of who I am. I would never try to "outsmart" anyone; I don't think that simply because I enjoy information makes me any better or worse than anyone else. Someone who would dump a friend because they are different does not sound like a true friend to me.

For the record, drinking underage is NOT safe, whether you drive or are with a group or not.

Who said anything about having lost my friends? "

" I have to agree with gopher. Did it ever enter your mind that maybe your friends aren't inviting you to these parties because they have heard what you have told them and they just don't want to put you in a bad situation where you would feel uncomfortable? Have you thought that maybe they are respecting your opinion by doing this? Maybe your friends were one step ahead of you and you reject every opertunity presented to you to get on the same page as them... "

" RosieTheRiveter, check your email. "

" Rosie, I don't know who gopher is, but I'm a big kid. If that's how my friends feel, they should tell me that...excluding me, however, is not respecting my opinion.

Unless you're someone I know (which I'm beginning to believe that you are) I don't see what right you have to speculate on my relationships with my friends. I don't think I am in the wrong in this situation; I am being as adult about it as I can. I respect that I can't change how my friends feel or what they do; it doesn't mean I'm going to be quiet about it. My friends' safety and well-being is important to me and it would be a sin for me to sit and watch them doing something destructive without trying to stop it, or at least explain my aversion to it. "

" Gopher, please check your email. "