About 12 years ago, I wrote a column about some of the advantages of getting older. Here are some of the “great things” about getting older. Some of these are painfully humorous.

• You’ve paid off your student loans.

• Your arthritis makes you less likely to lose your wedding ring.

• Now that you’re retired, you’ll never be fired.

• Having grandchildren makes up for not having grandparents.

• Nowadays, almost everything comes with a remote control.

• Dinner out costs less if you eat between 4-6 p.m.

• You can win the respect of young people merely by picking up the check.

• You don’t need to buy extended warranties

• No one thinks you’re lazy if you pay someone else to carry your groceries to your car.

• Your investment in health insurance is beginning to pay off.

• You can say blatantly opinionated things and no one will argue.

• There are many items you can save money on like: water skis, running shoes, scuba gear, tuition, sexy underwear, children’s clothes, bubble gum, Clearasil, birth control pills, Cliff Notes, sports cars, roller-coaster rides, sandwich bags, entrance fees for marathons, booster shots, lifetime guarantees, baby sitters, orthodontia and home pregnancy kits.

Don’t forget that:

• The older you get, the greater your chance of inheriting money from your peers.

• The secret of aging gracefully, according to Philip Johnson: “Money Helps.”

• If you can’t order it from a catalog, you probably don’t need it.

• It’s getting easier and easier to meet your health insurance deductible.

• You have plenty of time to write letters to the editor.

• You’ll never have to buy another refrigerator.

• You won’t need the shingles with a 30-year guarantee.

• If you wait long enough, even bad stocks go up.

• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

• Many of your current ailments were incurable when you were young.

• Because you can remember when a dollar really was a dollar, looking at your bank statements makes you feel rich.

• Voting is simpler now that Medicare and Social Security are the only issues that matter.

• You have more and more chances to meet attractive doctors.

• You can explain what Communism was.

• You’ve seen it all before even if you don’t remember where.

• Your most creative tax returns can no longer be audited.

We can all complain about how awful it is to get older and how terrible the prices of things are today. No one really wants to hear it. However, we need to keep our sense of humor.

Notable Quote: “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball

 Contact Tom at 1030 Seminary St. Ste. D, Napa, CA 94559, 254-0155, fax 254-0158 or e-mail suntrm@aol.com.