I recently saw an article about a former NBA player who is broke and in debt. During a 12-year career, he earned more than $110 million in salary and endorsements. He is allegedly in debt for more than $4 million and faces felony check fraud charges. How is this possible by the age of 33?

His mother was quoted as saying that during his playing days, he was supporting 70 friends and family members in one way or another. He spent money like it was going out of style, and it did.

Do you think only NBA stars are victims of making poor financial decisions? Not a chance.

The term “soft touch” apparently came into the American vocabulary in the 1930s. The dictionary says a “soft touch” is a person who is easily influenced, duped or imposed upon. They are a soft touch for anybody with a sob story.

Parents and grandparents are the biggest soft touches. Most of us have had some experience with the sob stories of kids or grandkids. Why?

To our kids or grandkids, we look like a bank. We have plenty of money. We go on great vacations, buy nice cars and give lavishly to offspring. Hence the “bank of Marjory or George.” Our apparently bottomless wealth may look that way, but looks can be deceiving.

Most parents and grandparents have worked extremely hard for their assets. They are good savers and disciplined in spending, which are good ways to build wealth.

I have seen parents and grandparents be considered soft touches by their kids or grandkids. With the perception that these old folks are rich, it is easy for us to be targets for sob stories. Sometimes they don’t even ask; we just hear about their hard times and feel that we should do something about it. It is hard to see our offspring suffer, even though the suffering is often self-induced.

I know some parents and grandparents who have been abused by their kids. Many have given to the point that their lifestyle is in jeopardy. Don’t do it. There are times when suffering is a good thing.

There are times when you can’t help. But when you want to help and you can, here are a few ideas to make it more businesslike and less of a handout.

• Make sure the terms of the help are documented. Get it in writing. Detail out the terms and expectations and enforce them.

• Ask for a plan of repayment, if it is not an outright gift. If there is no plan of repayment, it is a gift.

• Do your homework. Check out the sob story. It may not be a real problem that requires your money.

• Give advice and referrals to experts before you give money.

• Expect to get paid back. Collateral is always good.

• Charge interest and penalties if it is a loan.

It is always good to use common sense. Don’t help unless you can afford it.

Contact Tom at 1030 Seminary St. Ste. D, Napa, CA 94559, 254-0155, fax 254-0158 or e-mail suntrm@aol.com.