You and I, we all have a story which we believe is ours. Career goals, things we want to achieve, the partner we want to be with, and so much more. The story lives in our mind and influences the decisions we make, how we behave, what we do and don’t do. But where did the story come from? Did we make a conscious decision to invent it one day? Is it a product of the childhood dreams of whom we wanted to become?
How much of that story is really from what we want in our life and how much was contributed from the people around us? Our parents, who wanted us to do well in school, college, get married, have kids; the expectations of our friends and the wishes of our significant other.
How much of your story are you trying to live despite the effort it takes? Some people push themselves very hard, use drugs of all kinds to have the energy or quiet the mind to be able to "survive" another day of their life. Is it their story they are living or one that has been written for them?
Unbeknownst to us, all the people that influenced us and experiences we lived through shape our thinking. Don’t you sometimes hear the voice of our mother or father your mind? I did. It took me a long time to notice and get rid of the patterns that my parents instilled in me. They didn’t do it on purpose, I didn’t have a say, I was a little sponge simply absorbing the messages. The patterns they handed down were not good or positive for me. They distorted the real me and held me back in every way.
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The physical and emotional experiences, the disappointments, the pains, the disillusions we go through in life leave their mark somewhere. But we forget they are there. We don’t notice them. Yet they mold and shape our Physical Intelligence, the patterns in our unconscious that color our every thought, decision and action. Sometimes we feel little glimpses of these patterns, but we are quick to cover them up or seek a mental escape to not have to deal with them.
I started to re-write my story when I had the chance to really understand what patterns -- emotional, mental and physical -- were ruling my thinking and was able to let the things go that held me back. Everything I let go helped me take a step forward -- in understanding and defining who I really am and my place and journey in this lifetime. What really surprised me is how much my life has changed and how much happiness and satisfaction these changes have brought about.
Wintertime is the time to slow down and reflect on our lives. I invite you to reflect on your story. Really give some thought, go out in nature and experience how it feels for you. Determine if you really own it and if it makes you happy.
Martina Wagner, Ph.D., is a Calistoga resident and author of "Physical Intelligence: An Introduction." She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.