Thursday Pulpit: Don't lose track of what makes you you
Thursday Pulpit

Thursday Pulpit: Don't lose track of what makes you you


Being in a relationship can be a blissful experience. You have someone to share your thoughts and dreams with, you have a partner to support you through the hard times, and you have a cheerleader to celebrate you during your wins. But what happens if suddenly you realize that you have lost yourself in the passing of time, and you no longer feel joy because you don’t even know what makes you happy anymore?

This is not an uncommon phenomenon. It’s easy in the beginning of a relationship to put your passions, friends, work and hobbies to the side. The excitement and rush of newfound love can wash over like a tidal wave as you dive headfirst into this extraordinary energy. You can’t get enough of the person, and you want to know everything about them. And sometimes you can get so wrapped up in it, you forget what makes you … well, you!

My aunt once gave me an amazing piece of advice about love. Never do anything for someone in the beginning of a relationship that you aren’t prepared to do for the rest of your life. At first, I thought this was just in reference to household chores etc., but as I have grown, I realized that it also means to not give up pieces of yourself in order to make the other one happy. Because in the end you will find yourself sad, depressed and uninspired. You will wake up one day and wonder who is this person looking back at you in the mirror?

I have worked with a few clients who have woken up to this shocking quandary. The hardest part of this realization is that they have blamed themselves for not speaking up or seeing the signs that they had begun to live to accommodate the other person. While it is pivotal to take responsibility for allowing this to happen, it is even more crucial to not stay too long in that space. Because, in the end, it comes back to learning how to love yourself for all that you are. You don’t need to change yourself so somebody will love you and want to be with you. You are deserving of being adored just as you are.

If you find that you are wanting to start this journey of rediscovering yourself, here are a few things that can get you started on the path. Begin with practicing self-care and carve out time to treat yourself with a massage or some time alone. Take the opportunity to get quiet and reflect on how you want your life to look moving forward. What do you like to do that you haven’t done in a while? Is there a class you would like to take? What makes you feel good? Go ahead and do more of that!

Next, I would encourage you to reach out to friends or family that you haven’t seen in a while and spend some quality time with them. I am always filled up when I spend time with loved ones, and they are a great resource for getting back to your core. And lastly, don’t be afraid to speak up and share your thoughts and opinions with those around you, especially your significant other.

It isn’t always going to be comfortable while getting to know yourself again, but it is imperative. If you don’t feel confident and happy inside of yourself, it is impossible for you to find that in your relationship. These practices might feel a bit wobbly at first, but once you get in the groove of it you will begin to feel like yourself again!

Kate Messmer Jessup is a spiritual coach.You can contact her at or find out more about her services at


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In these trying times, the Apostle Paul gives Christians rules on how to live: be joyful all the time, pray constantly and in everything give thanks. These are only possible because of one's personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

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