I recently had someone ask me if there is a common issue that shows up for my clients, and it didn’t take more than a second to come up with the answer. No matter the reason that someone starts coming to see me, in the end it almost always boils down to the core wound of “I am not enough.” This can show up in many ways such as: I am not smart enough, I am not pretty enough, I am not loveable enough, I am not worthy, I am not … well, you get the picture. By living your life rooted in “not enoughness” you are blocking yourself from stepping forward into the life that you want to be living.
For example, I had a client who had been in a series of bad relationships that brought her into the pattern of having her trust violated. She had been hurt so deeply, that she had blocked out the possibility of being in a relationship for many years. Now that she is at the beginning stages of being in a loving relationship, she finds herself second-guessing everything. She is easily triggered and feels extremely insecure, so she lashes out at him and her thoughts take her to dark places of deceit. Her core wound is the belief that no matter what she does she will never be worthy enough of a healthy and secure relationship.
Another client I worked with had been at a company for over 10 years. He had given a lot of time and energy to his position. He worked weekends and missed special events such as birthdays and weddings, all the while trusting that it was for the good of his career. One day, seemingly out of the blue he was fired. He felt betrayed and questioned what he did to deserve such a harsh exit. When he went looking for a new job, he tried to put himself out there but was paralyzed with fear. After some examination we found that since he had been given no reason for his dismissal, he had subconsciously decided that no matter how hard he tried he wasn’t ever going to be good enough.
By understanding that our thoughts become our feelings it gives the perspective to take a moment to check in and listen to what you are saying to yourself. I encouraged my client who lost his job to keep a thought journal with him so when he found himself feeling as if he can’t move forward, he would journal what he was thinking. This is so you can bring to the surface what you are REALLY saying to yourself. In our next session he reported having a huge ah-ha moment.
He had sat down to send a resume and froze while writing the cover letter. He wallowed for a moment and then started to write in his journal, and he was shocked to hear the things he was saying to himself. We worked on these limiting beliefs so he could heal and move forward. We did this by identifying where they came from and what judgments he was holding onto about himself and others. I then taught him how to apply compassionate self-forgiveness so that he could move forward from a place rooted in self-love.
When you are feeling like you aren’t deserving or are unworthy of being loved, this is precisely the moment when you need to be the one to love yourself. One of the simplest tools to use is a meditation that I call the strain and drain. You find a quiet and still space where you can connect with your inner self. Then picture a loving and calming color that makes you feel at peace. Imagine that color washing over you and supporting you. Imagine the negative and disempowering energy draining down to your feet where it is reabsorbed into a pool of light. Stay in this meditation until you have settled into that comforting space where you feel light and at ease.
I assigned this to the woman who was struggling in her new relationship. She used this tool whenever she felt her insecurities creep in. By surrounding herself in the loving she was able to center herself and become more anchored into her body. In doing so, she cultivated a sense of inner peace which allowed her to let go of fears surrounding her relationship.
These are just a few of the tools that I give to my clients to heal the core wound of “I am not enough.” If you or someone you know are dealing with feelings such as these, it is important to get out of your head and into your heart. If you need support with this process, reach out to a friend or seek out a therapist or a coach to help guide you.
Spiritual Seed: You already are enough.