If there ever was a year to let loose at Halloween, this is it.
Global pandemic? Check.
Unemployment at record highs? Check.
401(k) accounts in the dumps? Check.
Likely Russian interference in presidential election? Check.
Since everyone’s already wearing masks why not just take it one step further and put on costumes while we’re at it?
Because I love Halloween so much, I’m already thinking of DIY costume ideas.
First, there’s the obvious: The coronavirus itself.
Here are your easy how-to instructions: Find old couch. Cut open cushion. Use stuffing to create giant ball. Wrap ball around yourself. Add spiky virus-like pointy things. Voila: you are the coronavirus. Caution: other party-goers may avoid you, unless they are dressed as Virus Hunters or Coronavirus Antibodies.
Second: Super Mask Man/Woman. Get box of disposable masks. Tape them all over yourself. Walk around town. Flap your arms. You are guaranteed to make many new friends.
Third: Toilet Paper Philanthropist. No costume required. Just buy giant pack of toilet paper from Costco, stand at well-traveled intersection (IMHO the southwest corner of Fuller Park has great visibility) and offer free rolls of TP. Guaranteed hit and likely social media standout.
I’m a Halloween junkie so I started my shopping early this year.
I heard a new Hobby Lobby just opened in Fairfield. As a craftaholic I decided I needed to investigate Girl Reporter-style.
First impressions: The store is ginormous. It’s so big the Napa Michaels could fit in its back pocket. The Fairfield Hobby Lobby has acres of craft supplies. We’re talking aisles and aisles of stickers, rows of fake flowers, a wide selection of man-cave wall sign decorations, more “gather” and “E A T” signs than you can shake a stick at, oodles of paint and paintbrushes and religious crosses aplenty.
This Hobby Lobby even had a whole section of Christmas. As I write this, we were still in July 10 days ago, people. And now it’s Merry Christmas? It’s a bit of a stretch, but I’m going with it.
I was so dazzled by the cornucopia of craftiness, I almost didn’t notice it at first. And then my cradar (craft+radar) perked up.
There was no Halloween.
There were multiple aisles of pumpkins, scarecrow signs, fake fall leaves and cornstalks. But not a single bit of anything to do with Oct. 31.
No witches? No scairdy-cats? NO VAMPIRES? Good lord, what is happening here? What kind of Halloween no-go zone is this?
It turns out that Hobby Lobby is owned by a Christian family that chooses not to sell such décor or celebrate Halloween. Boooooooo!
If I was Mrs. Hobby Lobby, I’d come up with a compromise.
Black cats, friendly “good” witches and candy corn would be OK. “Keep out haunted/Beware/Witch Crossing” signs? No problem. Fake spider selection? Sure. Maybe draw the line at Ouija boards.
But at this new Hobby Lobby the only bit of spookiness I could find was an Edgar Allen Poe-ish black crow. Naturally, I bought it.
I googled Hobby Lobby to get more details. When you search on “Halloween” on the Hobby Lobby website and you get ... nothing.
One news story said that Hobby Lobby is also closed on Sundays. Oh my. First no Halloween, then no Sunday shopping? What is this madness?
I guess I’ll have to stick to Napa’s mini-Michaels after all. A craftaholic’s gotta get her zombies where she can.
Surrendering to Motherhood appears every other Monday. Follow Jennifer on Twitter: @NVRHuffman.