I once had a Spider-Man T-shirt that read: “I met my boyfriend on the web.” I don’t have that T-shirt any more, but I still have a crush on Spidey.

That’s why it was totally appropriate for me to not only see the newest Spider-Man movie the weekend it came out in theaters but also for me to see it alone. So, a timely three days following my latest break-up, I put on a different Spidey shirt and headed to the theater where I decided I was going to do it up.

I typically don’t spend money on things like a drink or popcorn or candy at the movies. This time, though, I was there on my own. I was already spending less because I made the matinee and I knew I wouldn’t have to share anything, so I went ahead and got myself a junior-size popcorn and a large soda in a special edition “Spider-Man: Homecoming” cup (There was a coupon involved).

Armed with popcorn and Cherry Coke, I took my seat in the middle of the room.

I turned my phone to CineMode and started chomping down while watching the trailers. A gray-haired man to my right looked at me. I think he was wondering why a 27-year-old woman who looks like a teenager was watching a superhero movie alone. Every time he looked over, he seemed astounded I was still sitting by myself.

Surprisingly, the encounter did not become creepy and I was able to enjoy my web-slinger’s big feature film without any ogling.

The movie finally started as I was about halfway through my vittles. It didn’t take long for me to become completely consumed. I put the popcorn on the floor and drank my soda without looking away from the screen.

I reacted with abandon – laughing out loud without wondering if I was the only person who thought this was funny. There wasn’t anyone talking next to me, critiquing the graphics, dialogue or anything.

The movie was – as a coworker called it – delightful. I won’t give out any spoilers, but it was cute, funny, thrilling and, of course, full of teen angst. The actor behind Spidey, Tom Holland, was totally believable as a New York teenager trying to prove himself as a superhero (while also trying to get the girl) and there were very limited encounters with The Avengers characters (thankfully).

I love Marvel and I understand that Spider-Man is part of this larger universe; however, I really wanted this movie to focus on him and not give way to random and possibly cheesy encounters with any of the other heroes.

And why does Spider-Man deserve his own movie (again)? Because he is my favorite, that’s why.

My respect for Spider-Man, a.k.a. Peter Parker, began when I was just a kid watching cartoons with my brother. I thought his powers were cool, of course, but I also thought that he was nice and he was, in most storylines, in love with red-headed Mary Jane.

Mary Jane was so lucky to have such a reliable, loyal guy at her side, I thought. The only reason he wasn’t with her was because he was off saving the city. Who could be mad at that?

More importantly, Peter Parker – the man behind the mask – is always genuine. Despite his supernatural powers, he has real human emotions and he has a lot of weaknesses. He struggles and then he overcomes. Oftentimes, Peter/Spidey will make the wrong choice first. It makes sense – he is always depicted as a teenager or someone in his twenties, so he’s still figuring things out. Ultimately, Spidey makes the right choice not because he is forced to, but because he is truly a good person and being a good person is sexy.

The fact that he wears tight red and blue spandex helps, too.

That suit is super hot. I can’t get enough of it. No matter who has been inside that suit – Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield or Toby McGuire – it looks good to me. Even the person inside becomes more attractive after wearing it.

I guess what it really comes down to is that I think that Spider-Man should be my boyfriend. No, not the fictional character, but a guy who has the same ideals and strength of character. And, if he decides to buy a Spider-Man costume and suit-up for me, all the better.

Be the first to know

* I understand and agree that registration on or use of this site constitutes agreement to its user agreement and privacy policy.

Maria Sestito is the Napa Valley Register public safety reporter. Jersey Girl runs every other Sunday. Follow her on Twitter at @RiaSestito or email her at msestito@napanews.com.


Maria Sestito is the former Napa Valley Register public safety reporter. She now writes for the Register as a freelancer.