I once had a Spider-Man T-shirt that read: “I met my boyfriend on the web.” I don’t have that T-shirt any more, but I still have a crush on Spidey.
That’s why it was totally appropriate for me to not only see the newest Spider-Man movie the weekend it came out in theaters but also for me to see it alone. So, a timely three days following my latest break-up, I put on a different Spidey shirt and headed to the theater where I decided I was going to do it up.
I typically don’t spend money on things like a drink or popcorn or candy at the movies. This time, though, I was there on my own. I was already spending less because I made the matinee and I knew I wouldn’t have to share anything, so I went ahead and got myself a junior-size popcorn and a large soda in a special edition “Spider-Man: Homecoming” cup (There was a coupon involved).
Armed with popcorn and Cherry Coke, I took my seat in the middle of the room.
I turned my phone to CineMode and started chomping down while watching the trailers. A gray-haired man to my right looked at me. I think he was wondering why a 27-year-old woman who looks like a teenager was watching a superhero movie alone. Every time he looked over, he seemed astounded I was still sitting by myself.
Surprisingly, the encounter did not become creepy and I was able to enjoy my web-slinger’s big feature film without any ogling.
The movie finally started as I was about halfway through my vittles. It didn’t take long for me to become completely consumed. I put the popcorn on the floor and drank my soda without looking away from the screen.
I reacted with abandon – laughing out loud without wondering if I was the only person who thought this was funny. There wasn’t anyone talking next to me, critiquing the graphics, dialogue or anything.
The movie was – as a coworker called it – delightful. I won’t give out any spoilers, but it was cute, funny, thrilling and, of course, full of teen angst. The actor behind Spidey, Tom Holland, was totally believable as a New York teenager trying to prove himself as a superhero (while also trying to get the girl) and there were very limited encounters with The Avengers characters (thankfully).
I love Marvel and I understand that Spider-Man is part of this larger universe; however, I really wanted this movie to focus on him and not give way to random and possibly cheesy encounters with any of the other heroes.
And why does Spider-Man deserve his own movie (again)? Because he is my favorite, that’s why.
My respect for Spider-Man, a.k.a. Peter Parker, began when I was just a kid watching cartoons with my brother. I thought his powers were cool, of course, but I also thought that he was nice and he was, in most storylines, in love with red-headed Mary Jane.
Mary Jane was so lucky to have such a reliable, loyal guy at her side, I thought. The only reason he wasn’t with her was because he was off saving the city. Who could be mad at that?
More importantly, Peter Parker – the man behind the mask – is always genuine. Despite his supernatural powers, he has real human emotions and he has a lot of weaknesses. He struggles and then he overcomes. Oftentimes, Peter/Spidey will make the wrong choice first. It makes sense – he is always depicted as a teenager or someone in his twenties, so he’s still figuring things out. Ultimately, Spidey makes the right choice not because he is forced to, but because he is truly a good person and being a good person is sexy.
The fact that he wears tight red and blue spandex helps, too.
That suit is super hot. I can’t get enough of it. No matter who has been inside that suit – Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield or Toby McGuire – it looks good to me. Even the person inside becomes more attractive after wearing it.
I guess what it really comes down to is that I think that Spider-Man should be my boyfriend. No, not the fictional character, but a guy who has the same ideals and strength of character. And, if he decides to buy a Spider-Man costume and suit-up for me, all the better.
