Dear Mr. President: I have a proposal. I know this wall thing is very important to you, Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter. By the way, I thought she badly disrespected you by calling you a wimp after you caved on the government shutdown. Since two-thirds of Americans are against you on this project, it seems somewhat futile to continue this approach through Congress. After all, how successful could it be?
Mexico has refused to pay for it. Your 30-foot-high design seems a bit short when one can buy a 40-foot extension ladder from Home Depot for $500. Also, the drug cartels have been very good at tunneling under current fence designs even though their preferred mode of entry is through airports, harbors and even existing border crossing points.
The Great Wall of China was a bust, as was Hadrian’s Wall in early Roman England. The Berlin Wall in Germany lasted a mere 28 years; little of it remains today. The signs are not good. If you try to declare a national emergency and order the military to build it, they might just say, “No Sir.”
I suspect that would look bad for the current Commander-in-Chief.
But hear me out, sir; there is a way. You are a man of great means; you have declared your worth at around $40 billion. Why not build it yourself, with your own money? Think about it - you estimated the total cost at around $30 billion. You would still have $10 billion left; that’s a lot of cheeseburgers.
But just imagine - it would be your wall and you could name it the Trump Memorial Wall. It would be one of the world’s great attractions; tourists would come from around the world. You could have Trump Hotels every 100 miles along its length.
Seriously, who would complain? You could even hire cheap labor from the the south side to work in the hotels and keep costs down. You already have a lot of experience there.
It would make you a fortune and that’s why I would paint it gold - why not? But if the money looks a little tight, there’s always the Russian oligarchs, da?