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One might think that the adage “In wine there is truth” might have discouraged The Donald from acquiring a winery within shouting distance from Monticello. Now it's become understandable that the Trumps (certainly not The Donald) would acquire an old winery, formerly the Kluge winery just outside of Charlottesville, as in addition to Thomas Jefferson's Monticello being proximate to The Trump Albemarle Hotel( 4.5-star and smoke free.).

Jefferson (our third POTUS) was also a connoisseur of wine, to such an extent that when given a choice to pay off his huge debts by cashing out his wine cellar, he chose to keep the cellar –after all the temperature there remained near a constant 54 degrees ,well suited to the Terroir Al Limit Carignan, which he had acquired during his scope of duties as post- colonial diplomat to France.

Another attraction to The Donald was that Thomas Jefferson ( even when serving as POTUS) liked to cater house parties whilst wearing his bathrobe, much in the latter day fashion of poet Ezra Pond (not Charles Bukowski nor Robert Frost) who by habit alluded to Troubadour Aubert Daniel whenever the sash fell undone, and sashless mansion houseman and editor Hugh Hefner. (The rumor that the Playboy Mansion was destined to become the Western White House has yet to be validated.)

What remains unclear is that Jefferson whose Spencerian pensmenship holographed some wine labels (still missing), played a part in drafting the Declaration of Independence and enhanced with Quintilian attempts (no Bartleby The Scriviner, here) of parallel clauses, portions of which became the U.S, Constitution .

Others concerning the foliage of Virginia, and why the young Eastern vineyards were wilting and warping with blight. Had an extensive library, perhaps equal to the Library of … no, there was no Congress as we know it, just the post-colonial Articles of Confederation. (One had a long wait in Philadelphia for library tastings.)

Ignorance of the Dewey Decimal System notwithstanding, how is it that The Donald never opened a library? Certainly he could have read of the connections between France and The United States during the Phylloxera Epidemic, and how the United States provided rootstalk for the regrowth of much of Western Europe's vineyards; how 400 grape varieties from H.W. Crabbs experimental Napa Valley vineyards, were a partial re-planting source; how Robert Mondavi & Baron Philippe de Rothschild collaborated on creating renowned Opus One wine (1978) and winery in Napa Valley, planted in Crabb's original renowned To Kalon Vineyard, where the 19th century award (Paris) winning Black Burgundy was produced.

Had The Donald done his homework, arguably at The Trump Albemarle, he might have successfully responded to President Macron's latest query: “Do you punch down or pump over?” and not mistaken the question about oenology to have been about terror--Terroir was bad enough. It seemed to cause President Emmanuel Macron to chew his wine and suck it up to his buccal glands, like a rind of Dordogne a blue cheese.

Was he mocking The Donald's Tea-Totaling? Tee-Totaling was bad enough when Macron had inquired about a T-shirt from Mara Lago, preferring a Large. Said it would help with vertical tasting, as if Ron and Don Jr., guardians of the Emoluments, couldn't work the thieve on wine samples without ending up horizontal? These were guys who could tell the difference between white and red wines without even looking!

Too bad the POTUS 45 had not brought a wine consultant with him, like John Movius? Although he might not come without a full tux and inadvertently reveal his knowledge of French investments in American wineries or, accidentally compliment Trump Wines, just before the trade war was announced.

And it was bad enough that Kelly couldn't make it to confirm that Baron Von Munchausen had fought with Frederick the Great and had helped put down Napoleon.

Oh well, maybe Sara could order a silver Trump cork stopper from Amazon and Macron would never suspect it came from The Trump Albemarle, and who would be the first to release a Chateau Dotard?

Bob Austin


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