Disclaimer: The following satirical commentary was not written by anyone affiliated with PG&E.
We folks here at the electric company are glad your power is back on and your TVs, refrigerators, respirators, etc. are up and running.
You know, we're working super hard to update our infrastructure to the state-of-the-art level of security and functionality as one might find in Iowa or Tennessee, where they don't have to shut off the power when the winds pick up.
Unfortunately, we're a little short of funds, and you're kindly paying twice the rates of other states still leaves us cash-strapped, what with the tens of millions of dollars we spend on lobbying the legislature to stay off our backs. And paying ourselves massive bonuses every year. (We have to attract the best people doncha know?)
Then there's the bankruptcies and lawsuits. You know it's not cheap paying off claims regarding communities and lives lost in wildfires and people being blown up in their homes in San Bruno. And we're still smarting from all that Erin Brockovich business from years ago, which was hardly our fault.
Anyhow, we're sorry for having to turn off all your power. Maybe it wasn't windy in your neighborhood, but the wires that go to the high risk areas run right through your back yard. Bummer.
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We value our Napa customers and community. As a matter of fact, we had a great party at a winery on the night of the blackouts so we could see the problems close at hand. Fortunately, the power was running for us and we wish you all could have joined us. The cabernet was marvelous!
We really appreciate Napa. We rewarded you by getting your power back on in less than 48 hours. I guess you appreciate how valuable we are as well and how much you miss us when we can't provide you our service.
So we guess you'll keep paying your bills and stop complaining so much about us because you know how much you need us, and we sure hope the winds stay quiet because we would hate it (you know we would) to shut off the power again, maybe for a longer period of time.
So we're hoping for a brighter future (pun intended) as we work together. We hope things will change, except maybe the bonuses and winery parties. Bless you all.
(Not a PG&E official)