What are we going to do when we run out of toilet paper?

What are we going to do when we run out of toilet paper?

I never realized that there are so many uses of toilet paper until I tried to buy some at the local market last week. Nothing but empty shelves, store after store. And when it does come in, the store limits you to two packages. What’s going on? What are people doing with all those rolled up tissue bundles?

I’ll skip over the most important use of toilet paper but there seems to be a variety of other uses for it that you might not have thought of before you found it hard to get. Teenagers use it for decorating their neighbor’s front yards and grandpa uses it to stop the bleeding from the razor nick on his chin.

Mom uses it to clean her eyeglasses – so soft and gentle on those expensive lenses. Some women use it to stuff their bra and others use it to blot their lipstick. How about stuffing your nose to stop a nosebleed and making paper flowers for the kiddos? Toilet paper is also quite useful for catching and squashing tiny spiders in the bathroom, and of course, kids love to make spit wads out it.

So, what are we going to do when we run out of toilet paper? For the most important use, some suggest using Bounce, the strong smelling white sheet of paper you throw into the dryer with a load of wet clothes. This will make things smell better and keep the butt wrinkle-free but I’m not sure this use will be too popular.

For all those other uses for toilet paper, we will just have to be more creative and that is what makes us so resilient, especially when times get tough like they are now. Our lives have been turned upside down this past few weeks living with the fear of a worldwide, viral pandemic and we cannot deny the existence of the challenges facing us.

Our patience will be tested dealing with the isolation and freedom to move about. But we will get through it, with or without toilet paper.

Mike Wallace

Napa

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